On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
