Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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