I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
