I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
