if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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