I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Everything about him screamed your future.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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