i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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