fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
