Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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