he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
