She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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