update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
