508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
