Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
