I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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