sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
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I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize