He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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