What did we do last night that was yellow?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
