pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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