You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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