You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
