hell yes lets make some ravioli
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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