there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
