I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
