I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
