What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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