I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
