yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
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omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
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Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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