Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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