ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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