the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
