Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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