ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
3pm strippers are depressing
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
