if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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