It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Randomize
