I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
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True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
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Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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