You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
