i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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