The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
