We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
