Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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