i permit you to call me
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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