T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
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It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
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I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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