I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
