I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
