The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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