I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
