Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
