not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
