Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
