Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
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It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
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It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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