I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
