I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Less talking, more tequila
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
