Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Houston, we have a squirter
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
