turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
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