Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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