If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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