did you get engaged???
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
