We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
