my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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