If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
